When growing up my dad always told me to not get a M.R.S. Degree, meaning don’t be just a wife, encouraging me to stay in college even when I thought an Associates Degree would be enough. Dad always coming through with the dad jokes. I thankfully, yet at the time, dreadfully, continued my education on through my Masters Degree.
Although I didn’t have much financial education growing up, I was always told “Do as I say, not as I do” about money. Meaning, don’t be house poor like your mother and I. It’s funny what things stick around that your parents teach you. Since I managed to get a MSW, not a MRS, then going on to get married, my dad then introduced me to what is known as a D.I.N.K. family, and that, I can get on board with! DOUBLE INCOME NO KIDS. I am 31 years old at the time of this post, and my husband is 36. You’d think if we’d want kids, the itch would have come by now, but it definitely hasn’t. There was a brief stint in time right after we got married that my husband was interested in the idea, but that quickly trickled off. And honestly, I wasn’t opposed. Likely it was the societal expectations…Get married, buy house, have kids. But you see here, I don’t follow societal expectations.
We are now 98% sure we aren’t having them, leaving the 2% for I guess, should we change our minds, because you know that kind of thing can happen! At this time, we have zero interest in adding rugrats to this family and continue to enjoy our freedom to do whatever the F we want!
Why such the stance? Honestly, I’ve never been a kid person. I was not the neighborhood babysitter, I get extremely uncomfortable around kids, and I most certainly don’t want to hold your newborn. One could say, I don’t have that motherly instinct that people often refer to, and also, kids cost a fuck ton of money, that I’d rather be investing. (How I ever provided therapy to children, one will never know. I needed those deep breathing techniques just as much as they did.)
I once heard an acquaintance say, you substitute partying for diapers and the costs are relatively the same, but I strongly disagree with that. The last time I checked, my bar tabs never have cost me the cost of a car + a college education, and I was a partier! At my work, I’m the only non mom. I get a lot of grief about not having kids, but specifically about not wanting them. When I leave work, my time is spent doing what I want. I often get “You’re so lucky!” or a sarcastic “It must be nice!” In which I respond, lucky? Negative. Strategically planned? YES! Motherhood is a choice, and I’m choosing not to be one. Please understand.
Because I have a pretty hard stance on this subject, it’s really frustrating when people ask when we’re having kids as if it’s the expectation, or assume we will change our mind, or “Never say Never, it doesn’t matter how old the guy is!” I can be thankful that I have parents who do not put pressure on me to “make them grandparents” and fortunately have my sister to provide the nieces and nephews! She’s currently expecting her third. Would I honestly be living Free As A Weed if my whole life consisted of work and chasing children around? I argue a hard no. That in fact seems the opposite of freedom!
By choosing not to have children, my husband and I can create the exact life that we want. And honestly, a lot of the time that means having a weekend at home not doing much all, besides reading and watching t.v. But it also allows us the freedom to pick up and go on any vacation we want, move to different parts of the country should we have the itch or his job requests it, and it allows us to save a lot of our incomes to eventually stop working. I’m not saying you can’t achieve financial independence with children, but when we spend our money we would much rather it be on nice dinners than Sophie the extremely popular Giraffe!
I honestly have a hard time understanding why more people aren’t like us, but I also think that about most of my opinions! I also need to get better at understanding why people choose to have children. What I do know is it’s getting much more popular to choose not to have children; whether it be for careers, environmental reasons, money, or creating a life of freedom. Also, I’m personally not all that interested in raising children in our current world conditions. The climate of our culture right now is in chaos, but that’s for another blogger to report on, not this one! I will end with this, please respect our decision not to have kids, and I promise to work on respecting your decision to have them!